In the realm of online dating, messages are the equivalent of walking up to someone on the street and starting up a conversation. Only, it's much less threatening and the risk of rejection is less significant. In other words, it's much easier.
What's not easier, however, is writing a message that actually gets noticed. We've rounded up seven great tips for stepping up your online messaging.
For men and women alike, a message riddled with misspellings and grammatical errors is an immediate deal-breaker. If deciphering your message requires too much effort, they're unlikely to read it, and they're certainly not going to respond to it.
Step up your game by making sure that your message is clear, grammatical and easy to read. If you're writing a message in a language other than one that you're completely fluent in, try to have a native speaker read it before sending it out.
This seems like it should go without saying, doesn't it? But oddly enough, when some members write their first messages, they seem to sound indifferent as to whether or not they receive a response. While this is probably a defence mechanism to lighten the impact of a potential rejection, it's definitely not the tone that your message should have. After all, if the recipient gets the feeling that a response is not really expected or even wanted, they're not likely to provide one.
You can be straight-forward and seem interested without sounding creepy. Just remember, every single member on our sites are there for the same reason you are: to connect with other singles.
Avoid Physical Compliments
Defaulting to a physical compliment, especially in a first message, is rarely seen as flattering. More often than not, those are the messages that are quickly deleted. Your potential significant other has probably provided all kinds of details about their hobbies, interests and background. If you're going to compliment anything, pick one of those.
Make Your Greeting Count
Men, this tip is especially for you. Fair or not, women generally field far more messages than men. This may sound like a dream scenario, but when all of those messages read exactly the same, it loses a little bit of its charm. Eventually, women end up developing pretty tight criteria for messages that they decide to take the time to read.
To make your message stand out from the rest, come up with an original greeting. Imagine that she has 19 messages in her inbox that all have a simple "hi" in the subject line and one message that has a witty or personal subject line. Which message do you think is most likely to be read?
Start a Conversation
How many of these exchanges have you had?
"Hi. How are you?"
To which you respond, "I'm fine. How are you?"
And then that's the end of that.
See the problem? Simply asking a question is not enough to start a conversation; you have to ask the right question. Give their profile another look and pick one topic to ask about. For example, if they mention enjoying a certain author or book genre that you are familiar with, ask them if they've read a specific book that you've read. Ask questions that require more than a single-word answer. Also, don't provide too much information about yourself upfront. Give them the opportunity to ask about your own interests.
Focus on Quality, not Quantity
This is not to suggest that some members are "quality" members while others are not; it has more to do with your approach when deciding who to message. Some people cast too wide a net, sending messages to as many men or women as possible without considering whether each specific person would be a good match.
But here's the thing: it quickly becomes obvious to the reader whether or not you're interested in them specifically or whether they're getting the same generic message as 50 other people.
Focus on contacting members with whom you share common ground. You're far more likely to find a meaningful connection.
Sure, sending a message feels like a risk. You may not hear back, or the person may be too different than the person you've created in your mind and you would hate to ruin your fantasy. Once again, remember that everyone is there for the same reason you are: to make a connection and find love or friendship. If you've found someone that you would like to know more about, take the next step by sending them a message.
Ready to send your first message? Sign up for a free account on Love2Date Singles to start connecting with other singles in your area today.